Dear Quentin Bacon:
How's it going? Remember me? We worked together on the Sara Foster books, and other projects around town. It was nice knowing you, and nice working with you on the two (or was it three) books that we both worked on. You know I am a huge fan. I hope to work with you on another book one day. That is... if you will ever talk to me again!
You see, I stole a photograph of yours off the world wide web. I have felt bad about it ever since it happened (like the passive voice?). But I felt especially bad ever since my friends Brooke and Leah wrote the now e-famous Food Blog Code of Ethics. The truth is, like Julia Powell, although I write a blog and although it occasionally (okay closer to "always") features food, I don't actually consider myself a food blogger. Because I am not—or at least I don't think I am—part of the food blogging conversation. But that's another story. The bottom line is that I broke one of the "code's" five rules. Only five—granted it was last—and I still couldn't manage. Geez. The code was a bit wordy and self-serious, but Ruhlman distilled it more simply, into just four one-line rules. And what I did to you and your picture clearly falls between 1). Don't Be an Asshole, and 3). Ask Before You Use Other People's Stuff. With a sprinkling of 2). Don't Make Shit Up. And 4). Dude. Karma.
In my own defense, Quentin, I tried credit you. I wrote a long thing about how guilty I felt about stealing the photo, and how much I like your work (and also how I don't even put tomatoes in my guacamole, which there obviously are in the photograph). But seeing as how I hardly know my way around a computer, much less WordPress, the part where I credit you seems to be "backstage" someplace. What I am saying is that although I did mean to steal the guacamole photo, I do not want to steal the guacamole, and I did mean to credit you.
I hope you don't mind. Or to be clear: I hope you don't sue me. I'll get my own guacamole picture soon enough and if you want, you can use it for free. In fact, I'll throw in the guacamole to boot. I hope you understand!
Very Truly Yours,